Silence of the Cows

Dear Loyal Readers,

I write this post from the plush three star surrounds of Stoke Rochford Hall - think Downtown Abbey with fluro lighting and a mini bar.  The estate is stunning! The manor home sits on a sizable chunk of land that is lovingly maintained offering beautifully shaded walks through manicured lawns and parcels of gardens tastefully planted.

The only mild surprise was when walking along one such shaded path, I turned to my right and saw about 10 cows just staring at me through a nearby gate.  It was kind of eerie and weird as they were completely silent, just staring at me... like they wanted to eat me or something - yeah weird.

But, alas, I've skipped much.  This tale starts with two fat men crammed into economy seats on an Emirates flight from Adelaide.  After realising with regret that selecting to sit in the standalone two seater row riiiight at the back of the plane and next to the toilet was not the best start the our trip, it quickly went downhill after de-planing when I realised I'd left my trusty Gazman jacket in the overhead locker.  Cue totally exasperated facial expression from Todd.

Of course, nobody in the whole Dubai airport could actually assist with so seemingly simple a task as retrieving something someone left on a plane...!  I actually think I might've been the first person in the history of modern aviation to do this, such were the looks and conciliatory tones offered to me.  As it stands, the man from the Emirates lounge in Dubai is going to see if it can be posted to me (note that no breath shall be held on this matter).

Things looked up when we showered and relaxed in the lounge and had a little to eat.  In fact, the lounge had a man dedicated to polishing shoes for the use of travellers.  He approached and offered to shine my shoes!  I was of course immediately taken with the ye olde world charm of the whole thing and agreed.  He then disappeared with my shoes for like 30 MINUTES!  When he returned, he presented me with my superbly polished shoes and a receipt which seemed to indicate that I needed to pay 30 dhirams for this service.

Uh-huh.. totally suckered. (Refer to previous chapters where I have seperately been duped by a 'deaf' Frenchman as well as a woman 'giving away' roses outside a Viennese museum).

I then spent the next 5 minutes explaining that I had no cash to pay this man anything.  All the while this guy just stood there, smiling and saying "it's ok" BUT he just WOULDN'T LEAVE.  Eventually I stopped inventing different ways of saying "I have no money" and actually looked.  He was holding out a shoe horn for me, and had been the ENTIRE time.

With a soft thankyou, I took the shoe horn from him, used it to put my shoes on and handed it back.  Once all this was done, he smiled gave a small bow, turned and left.

Yep - totally mortified.  Upon reviewing the reciept, it clearly states that the service is 30 dhirams, however it's been paid in full - balance owing - zero.  There was actually no cost for the service.

Things improved when shortly thereafter we were boarding at the departure gate and the check in machine gave an angry "beep beep" when scanning my boarding pass.  I looked at Todd; could this be it?  The stuff of legends and fairy tales?  The magical, elusive, departure gate upgrade?  Sure enough it was and suddenly, it was all worth it... the running around, the drama about various bits of clothing, the waking up every time someone flushed the bloody toilet..... because we had ARRIVED!

Unfortunately I had forgotten that alcohol effects are increased when you're 30 something thousand feet in the air.  Having reverted to my early twenties mentality of "free alcohol means you drink as much as possible while you can" I fully expect that I managed to consume an entire bottle of Verve Cliquot within the first hour or so.  One of these glasses was downed whilst standing at the freaking lounge bar at the back of the plane ('cos that's actually why such tickets cost a bloody packet - you're paying for AN ACTUAL BAR ON THE PLANE - WITH COUCHES!).

Needless to say this improved things and we arrived fresh and ready for London adventures.  Lea had kindly offered to collect us from Heathrow removing the need for us to navigate the Underground and we enjoyed a lovely relaxed dinner with her and Sam at a place called Empress.

The next day, I spent several hours wandering London city (variously having Julia Roberts/Pretty Woman-esque experiences in shops along Regent Street - except the part where she comes back with wads of cash and tells those snobs where to stick it - that part didn't happen).

We had a light dinner at home and then headed back into the city to attend a performance of The Crucible at the Old Vic Theatre, near Waterloo.  The production was amazing, extremely well performed and totally gripping (despite going for about 3.5 hours!)

Today we spent some time tracking down old addresses of some of Todd's ancestors.  Interestingly, they lived really close by (within a few streets of eachother) so we were able to walk around and take some snaps really easily.  Lea had already warned us NOT to go randomly door knocking, but we did manage to locate a lady next door to one house who was happy for a chat and gave us some good pointers, too.  I convinced Todd that video would be a more interesting medium to describe what we were seeing (think "Walkabout Walthamstow, with your host Todd") but unfortuantely he cottoned on too quickly and you will not now be seeing YouTube clips of Todd describing various streets important to his family history.

After all this, a drive of a couple of hours to Stoke Rochford Hall in preparation for the wedding tomorrow.  Can't wait.